Author Profile - Denise Hayward

Author profile:  Denise Hayward, author of 'Deepest Darkness'!

"As a child I loved reading, and I read all the children’s classics – The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Alice in Wonderland, Heidi, Little Women etc. I also enjoyed Enid Blyton – she gets a bad press now but she drew me into books. Two books that really impacted me were Helen Keller’s autobiography and The Diary of Anne Frank. Probably more than any other book The Diary of Anne Frank inspired me to start writing. For my 13^th birthday I bought a note book with some money I’d had and began to keep a diary. I think I began by trying to record the boring intricacies of my day but quite soon it became a place to write what I thought and felt, how I processed the world. Those early diaries read rather embarrassingly now! I have never been faithful to writing my journal every day but I have more or less kept it up ever since. I still have days when I write reams and occasionally let several days, even weeks, lapse.

I don’t remember when I first wanted to write children’s stories, probably some time in my early twenties. I just know that for a long while I wanted to and then eventually began to put some of the ideas I had in my head onto paper. From the time I was a young teenager I wanted to be an actress, and from the age of 16 acting was a total obsession for me. It was all I wanted to do. I did eventually go to drama school and then had a summer season in the children’s theatre in Butlins. It’s a long story but I learned a lot about myself I didn’t like during that summer. I had been reading Christian books such as Jackie Pullinger’s ‘Chasing the Dragon,’ and Joni Eareckson’s autobiography. I may, at times, have called myself a Christian up to that point but I was not a follower of Jesus and these books brought that home to me. Anyway God sought me out, thankfully, and aged 23 I became a follower of Jesus. And he very clearly led me out of the acting world. It seemed hard at the time but I am glad He did. I wouldn’t have survived as a Christian in that world. That’s not the case for everyone but it certainly was for me.

I think it was probably around that time that the possibility of being a writer began to take hold of me. I certainly began writing more seriously then. I think my first completed work was probably a one woman play about Eleanor Roosevelt. I hoped to tour it around schools but didn’t get much interest – they kept telling me what women they would like a show about. I’ve never been very good at writing on demand. It has to mean something to me. However it began, somewhere in me I knew I wanted to write children’s stories. Of course I discovered writing them is far easier than getting them published! It always seemed like I was playing a game that I didn’t know the rules of.

The inspiration for Deepest Darkness came when my husband, Frederick, and I had a holiday in Canada. We caught the train from Toronto that crosses Canada to Vancouver, on the west coast. We stopped off at the Rockies on the way over then continued on to Vancouver. From there we hired a car and drove around Vancouver Island. We walked in the Rockies, went whale watching, stayed in an old loggers cabin and took boats out to see Grizzly bears along the coast. Throughout the journey the thing that struck us was the wildness and the unpredictability of it. The reality that as we walked we could very possibly stumble across a bear was exciting and scary! All the while, as we faced a wildness that doesn’t exist anymore in Britain, I felt God stirring things in me, facing fears. Not just the fear of stumbling across a bear but a certain fearfulness that gripped me. My fear was not as raw and controlling as Abi’s [from Deepest Darkness] but certainly controlled aspects of my life. God had long been dealing with fear in me. But there is simply something about walking in wilderness that touches something deep. Not just about me, but about the reality that God is not a tame God, and actually, in the depths of who I am, I don’t want Him to be anyway.

But it was in a small place on the west coast of Vancouver Island that the story began to stir in me. Our hotel was virtually on the beach, we had a room looking out to the sea. The beach was beautiful, to me it was paradise. The dark rocks in the sea, the long sandy beach. Behind were mountains and forests. All that part of Canada used to be temperate rainforest but most of it has been logged and there is very little original forest left. But there is some and from the road there was a boardwalk into the edge of the forest. As we walked I wept, the colours, the variety of green and the ancientness of this forest, deeply touched my heart, deeply spoke to me of the One who is the Ancient of Days.

One morning on the beach, the line ‘When I was a child of 9 or 10 I came to this island full of fear,’ popped into my head. And it stayed there. It became a matter of discovering who this person was and what had happened to her. In many ways Dave, Abi’s father, contains strands of my story as much as Abi herself. For me, Deepest Darkness is as much about discovering God is far bigger and wild and real and good than we ever imagine, as it is about one young girl facing her fears and finding God cares. He is enough. He made this wild, incredible planet that He cares deeply about. And yet He knows me and He cares. He intends life to be fully lived and embraced, He doesn’t want us cowering or making a life for ourselves that we can manage. He is too wild for us to tame and life is too huge for us to control but He holds us and lights our way."

Deepest Darkness really is a beautiful book; thoughtful, exciting, inspiring and equally suitable for Christian children or those with no church background. If you would like to read the first chapter, you can do so online:  http://dernierpublishing.com/deepestdarkness.php

Or here's Janet Wilson, founder of Dernier Publishing, talking about the book:

Here's the blurb from the book, with some reviews:

 

Ten-year old Abi suffers from terrible nightmares and her life is ruled by fear. On holiday in Canada, she makes a new friend who shows her that true light shines, even in the deepest darkness. Facing her fears one by one, Abi opens up her life to the light and finds a freedom that she never thought possible.

“This is a brilliant story all about a girl called Abi. She's got a fear of everything, but a trip to Canada brings a new friend and some important answers. This is one of the best books I've read – EVER!” - Maddie

“It is a fantastic adventure and God is really real.” - Natalie 

 

“I enjoyed the story very much. I felt for Abi and all the characters, and was really excited while reading the book.” - Polina 

 

"Deepest Darkness' has deeply touched my daughters. There is something about it which has  struck a chord with them." - Jo